Valentine's Day

Guys can say they hate the holiday and that their still hurting from a past relationship but an ex boyfriend saying happy valentines day, the smallest gesture, beats your utter lack of a gesture. How sad...

Thinking too much can hurt

I got in a funk today. My feelings and emotions are running on high about someone. I genuinely like him but don't want to be hurt. While I try to move on from the past I can't help but pick up on similarities sometimes. The past is unnerving because I've tried to learn my lessons and move forward. When will I be comfortable with other people? Comfortable with myself and my feelings?

Today I've worked so hard to not fall for someone that hasn't made themselves available. Will he ever be available to me? Or will he go back to where he was? Or will he give himself to someone else?

My brain is scrambled on all of this!!

Thinking Instead of Writing

Lately I've been utterly guilty of thinking too much and not talking or at least writing things out. I'm finding myself more and more depressed. I'm having crazy disturbing dreams about Scott. I hate still having him in my head that much in this weird hopeful way. I find myself wanting to make contact to see how he is or if something is still there but I can't answer the ultimate question: would I take him back after he completely broke my already fragile heart? I know the hard core side of me would tell him to piss off but the depressed side would gladly take him back. Oh wait, that's the dumb bitch that always gets hurt...stupid!

Work is also stressful at this time. Why can't "professional" adults not talk shit and call people names? I will never know. All I know is I've been busting my ass off and yes, I MADE MISTAKES!! At least I can own up to my mistakes unlike other people.

Maybe one day I'll get out of this funk. If not who knows where I'll end up...maybe Colorado or NYC!

Moving Day Gets Closer

As moving day gets closer I can feel my anxiety get higher with so many things. It seems like everything that got on my nerves before is 100 fold now. I feel like if I don't get some quiet time to myself soon that I might bust at the seems.

I'm tired of never-ending questions, constant chatter, endless debate (that always ends in me being wrong) and the constant irritation from it all. Work has gotten excruciatingly loud and now home has joined it.

I'm ready to have my quiet time back to be a better me in the end.

Work Craziness

When I revamped my blog I really thought I would be updating it more...fail!

Work has been crazy busy which is a good problem to have. While I feel like I handle it well most of the time it really is draining me mentally and physically. Being a commuter does not help matters at all.

So tonight I attempt to recover, rest and ready myself for next week. It's definitely the omen of what comes with hard work and success...more hard work!

Below is myself at the IEEE T&D convention on the Siemens Smartchopper built by OCC. Check out the info on this electric bike: www.siemens.com/smartchopper

A New Start

I'm restarting this blog. Before I was bitchy, whiny and well just not completely pleasant. While life is not wonderful I am trying to take on a new attitude and start building a new me; a better me. I can't promise that it will be all rainbows and unicorns but one of my goals in the construction path is to try and remain positive...that's a big goal in 2 words!

How many people do we know everyday that whine and complain about everything going on in their lives? While I think venting is perfectly healthy I don't think it should be every second of every conversation. So while my world isn't the perfect little place I wish it to be I am going to start sharing my funny stories and misadventures.

Stay tuned, if you care to, for the fun to follow...