Thinking Instead of Writing

Lately I've been utterly guilty of thinking too much and not talking or at least writing things out. I'm finding myself more and more depressed. I'm having crazy disturbing dreams about Scott. I hate still having him in my head that much in this weird hopeful way. I find myself wanting to make contact to see how he is or if something is still there but I can't answer the ultimate question: would I take him back after he completely broke my already fragile heart? I know the hard core side of me would tell him to piss off but the depressed side would gladly take him back. Oh wait, that's the dumb bitch that always gets hurt...stupid!

Work is also stressful at this time. Why can't "professional" adults not talk shit and call people names? I will never know. All I know is I've been busting my ass off and yes, I MADE MISTAKES!! At least I can own up to my mistakes unlike other people.

Maybe one day I'll get out of this funk. If not who knows where I'll end up...maybe Colorado or NYC!